Forgiveness between husband and wife



A membership in a tribe nor citizenship in a state confers any privilege nor are they source of honour.

The true source of honour in the sight of Allah is a righteous life. In his Farewell Address, Rasulullah (SAW) said, “You are all brothers, and are all equal. None of you can claim any privilege or any superiority over any other.”


Islam has established a universal brotherhood. It is stressed that a true brotherhood can be established only by virtue of mankind’s relationship with one another through Allah. Islam considers the family as the basic unit of human society. The foundation of a family is laid through marriage. The relationship between husband and wife should be strong and ever- lasting. Rasulullah (SAW) said:  “The best among you is he who treats the members of his family best.”


In order to maintain harmony within the family, Islam looks down upon divorce and considers it as the most undesirable yet, permissible deed in the sight of Allah. Let us really and truly try to avoid the anger, wrath and curse of Allah that comes with divorce, let us lower our pride and ask our spouse for forgiveness, making and working hard at our marriage, let’s learn how to forgive and ask forgiveness.  Note: This excludes relationships where abuse is being experienced.


Healing yourself and healing disruptions and challenges in relationships is vital to move forward as a couple effectively. Forgiveness allows a resumption of unity and to move forward as a couple. When grudges or resentment remain instead, the bond between the couple is strained and damaged. In relationships where forgiveness does not occur, for either small or large hurtful words and actions, the bond often begins to fail. Therefore we should understand and practice this concept more regularly and intentionally.Forgiveness is pardoning someone for saying or doing something hurtful or harmful, giving up a desire for revenge and letting go of anger and resentment.


Someone practices Forgiveness effectively when he/she:


  1. Examines what happened with discernment and compassion, tries to understand it and the person, accepts it as unchangeable, grieves sufficiently, and lets go of his/her feelings of anger, resentment, pain, or bitterness
  2. Gives others and himself/herself the opportunity to restore a relationship after a hurtful experience, speaking and acting as needed to express remorse, apologize, change, make amends, resolve issues, reconcile, and start over anew
  3. Seeks to understand the values, and viewpoints of others
  4. Resists focusing excessively on the faults and mistakes of others and himself/herself, releasing grudges or hurts about words or actions
  5. Values inner harmony and unity with others enough to let go of negative feelings about the past
  6. Pardons a wrongdoer, including oneself, with sincerity and courage


Someone needs to strengthen Forgiveness when he/she:


  1. Keeps replaying the incident in his/her mind and holds onto bitterness and anger
  2. Seeks revenge
  3. Refuses to accept an apology when someone else has made a mistake or to make amends when he/she is at fault
  4. Holds grudges and resentment and raises a problem or former error repeatedly
  5. Withholds acceptance and pardon until the other person specifically asks for it
  6. Criticizes the words or actions of others or himself/herself repeatedly and often harshly


Someone misuses the strength of Forgiveness when he/she:


  1. Accepts unjust, abusive, or harmful actions from someone without resolution
  2. Avoids holding others or himself/herself accountable for words or actions
  3. Behaves poorly without restraint because he/she presumes automatic forgiveness




Regarding the moral and spiritual values, an essential element in the effort toward achievement of moral and spiritual excellence is the certainty that however low a person may have fallen, it is always possible for him to rise. Islam teaches that Allah has created mankind in accord with the nature designed by him. It is true that each person is subject to influences of heredity, upbringing, and environment, but these can, where necessary, be corrected or eliminated. Evil comes from outside and can be kept out or having entered, can be discarded.

Islam inspires faith in vivid realization of the existence of a Beneficent Creator, without partners, associates or equals. Islam teaches that each human being can and should establish direct communion with Allah through faith, through acceptance of Divine Guidance and through righteous conduct. On the basis of man’s relationship to his fellow beings through Allah , the Creator of all, it lays the foundations of a true universal brotherhood, excluding the privilege and discrimination based on color, race, nationality or an office, status or wealth.

In short, Islam sets forth and places at man’s disposal a most effective means of achieving the purpose of life. Of all Allah’s numberless bounties bestowed upon mankind it is one of the greatest and most precious, and it is indispensable for the beneficent growth of man in the epoch now unfolding before him.

The social values in the Islamic community ensure strong and lasting relationship and interaction of people based on equality, doing what is right, and give consideration to the rights and privileges of others. We can see that the social, moral and spiritual values propagated by Islam, the essence of which was observed during the rise and expansion in the early history of Islam is applicable to the present and future for all mankind.


وَأَلَّفَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ ۚ لَوْ أَنْفَقْتَ مَا فِي الْأَرْضِ جَمِيعًا مَا أَلَّفْتَ بَيْنَ قُلُوبِهِمْ وَلَـٰكِنَّ اللَّهَ أَلَّفَ بَيْنَهُمْ ۚ إِنَّهُ عَزِيزٌ حَكِيمٌ


“He has put affection between their hearts. Had you spent all that is in the earth you could not have put affection between their hearts, but Allah put affection between them; verily He is mighty, wise.”(Surah Anfaal 8:63)


عَسَى اللَّهُ أَنْ يَجْعَلَ بَيْنَكُمْ وَبَيْنَ الَّذِينَ عَادَيْتُمْ مِنْهُمْ مَوَدَّةً ۚ وَاللَّهُ قَدِيرٌ ۚ وَاللَّهُ غَفُورٌ رَحِيمٌ


“He has put affection between their hearts. Had you spent all that is in the earth you could not have put affection between their hearts, but Allah put affection between them; verily He is mighty, wise. It may be that Allah will create friendship between you and those whom you hold as enemies. Allah is all-powerful. Allah is oft-forgiving, ever-merciful.” (Surah Mumtahana 60:7)

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